Children's Competitive Sports: What is the point?
As I was scrolling through social media this past week, I came upon a post from UpWorthy, which I love. Upworthy highlights positive news stories around the world. In this post a mother is recording the reaction of her 6-7 year old as she hears the news that she’s been selected for the softball team that she tried out for in the past few days. The child is ecstatic to the point that she is crying in pure happiness. My reaction was the opposite of this happiness, I felt so sad. I felt sad for the kid, I felt sad for the mother and I felt sad for us as a society that has put so much value on children’s competition. The relief of stress of this child was obvious in her reaction, it’s clear that she had been holding so much while awaiting this news, it seemed like the world had been lifted off her shoulders. A 6-7 year old should not be feeling this level of pressure, I don’t care if you tell me she will be the next Simone Biles of Softball, she should not be feeling that level of stress.
The worst part of this, is that this is not uncommon in our culture. Sports are no longer a fun athletic and social activity. They have become hard work, practices take more and more time in children’s schedules, their weekends are packed with games and tournaments, and it still feels like it’s not enough.
I have a child playing in competitive sports. There is a lot that we love about it, but there is also a lot that worries me about it. I love how my son loves and enjoys it, I love the friendships he’s built along the way and I think he’s gaining important social skills. I don’t love tryout time, it is an incredibly stressful time for him. I hate the disappointment he feels in himself when he doesn’t make the desired team. It leaves him feeling like he is not good enough, and that no matter how hard he tries he’ll never get there. It’s a huge blow for his self esteem, it breaks my heart. I don’t love that athletes in schools are at the top of the pecking order so it often makes them conceited, and can lack empathy. Those are not social skills I want for my son. I don’t love that his close relationships with teammates are always tainted by who is better than who. I know some of these ideas are gross generalizations, but they are things I worry about.
This summer we went to Colombia, my home country. I was struck at how that competitive pressure during children’s summers is not there the way it is here. I had a sense that children were expected to rest and have fun in their summer, not participate in numerous sports camps with the goal of starting the season strong. I was struck at how I had been sucked into the idea of providing every possible opportunity for my kid to remain competitive, and improve his already admirable athleticism. What is the end goal of all of this? where is this taking my kid? will it matter how good he is or what team he played on when he is an adult? most importantly, what am I neglecting as we embark on this hamster wheel of sports competition? What is he not developing? it seems too one-sided.
What is the point of all of this? and if the point is for them to enjoy a sport that they love then it absolutely doesn’t have to be so competitive, and stressful for them and their families.
Natalia El-Sheikh, MFT